Truth be told, my kids are overweight. It isn’t their fault it is mine.

I used to be very overweight with fluctuations between obese and overweight. I’ve only recently (in 2025) crossed into the healthy recommended weight range for my height. 

I grew up not knowing what to eat, only that I should be grateful to eat and be ashamed of being fat. One of my grandmother’s once offered me a glass of milk and a plate of cookies when I got back from school. She sat with me at the table. When I took my first bite she said, “You know, you’ll never be thin if you keep eating like that.”

Little things throughout my childhood destroyed my self worth. When I was 16, I was what could be interpreted as, “fat shamed” by Miss West Virginia during Q&A at a mock presidential election. That was embarrassing.

As a top student in my first year of a college interior and set design program, my favorite professor brought me aside and told me, “I’d never make it in the industry at my current weight. Nobody hires obese people, not even Ethan Allen stores.” (Interior and set designer’s back up jobs, are as in-house consultants for furniture stores.) At that point in life, I was working a full-time job and two part-time jobs, while being a full-time campus student.

All of these people meant well and were trying to give valuable information to consider in making healthy choices. The way they delivered the messages left me damaged. I walked away from everything because I didn’t see a way of changing anything.

I had made myself sick being vegan and developing nutrient deficiencies while trying to lose weight. I couldn’t afford to see a doctor outside of my college and couldn’t qualify for or afford health coverage.

I did what I could. I read books and tried every diet and exercise program under the sun. No matter how hard I worked I remained unaware that I had deep rooted issues with food. I simply didn’t know how to eat!

My internal dialogue mimicked the pain and embarrassment I experienced regarding my weight. Every few years I’d nearly master my eating and exercise habits but ended up derailed by life and physiological changes (aka pregnancy). I’d forget how I lost the weight the last time, and would have to relearn everything again.

This past time around, the main motivation for changing my weight and lifestyle was to be able to model a healthy lifestyle for my children. Very few people in my childhood modeled healthy living and eating habits. Yet, most were painfully judgmental.

I don’t mention weight with my children. I try to encourage them to be active outside, around the house, and offer healthy foods alongside the more unhealthy options they prefer. I try to make good eating choices for myself, so they can see healthy food in normal portions. I only explain why foods are healthy or unhealthy because of their nutritional values. I personally don’t restrict junk foods, but I do prepare many of my own homemade versions. By making from scratch, or as close as I can reasonably get, I can control what goes into our food.

I share this because I’m building up to something. Also, to serve as a reminder for people to stop body shaming others… It leaves huge scars that change self-perception. Model the changes you hope to see in others, without criticism. Encourage healthier lifestyle choices by including others in them. Stop being jerks, first to yourselves, and then to others.